so the big jeopardy news wasn't scores of zero. instead, for the first time in jeopardy history, there was a three way tie for first place. Which was awesome. And exactly what I would have done if I'd been in the position of the computer science professor who engineered it.

in other news, there is a cardinal rule of hairstyling that I discovered years ago, but continue to fail to put into practice:
do not get your haircut by someone whose hairstyle you do not like. that person clearly does not share your taste.
unfortunately, today's version of breaking that rule meant I got mousse, some type of serum, plus, I think, aquanet, put in my hair, and it got teased & blowdried for about half an hour. It literally stuck out 4 inches from my head. Which is pretty damn impressive when you realize my hair is only like 5 inches long. Anyway, the cut itself seems to be acceptable, but next time I need a stylist who is not stuck in 1982.

rumor...

so I just heard a rumor from a not at all reliable source that on tonight's jeopardy, we'll see the first ever game where all the contestants finish with $0 or negative money. now I have to watch! and tape. just in case.

common knowledge?

So, I've watched about 10 minutes of "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader," and I can safely say that it is an incredibly dumb show. Happily, there was an article in the Washington Post today agreeing with me. (and commending a quiz show of which I am an alumna. so thumbs up: washington post!) I'm especially happy to see this article because every other mention I've seen of the show has been positive. I can't exactly put my finger on why I dislike the show, since I tend to like dumb reality shows as a rule. But it's something along the lines of: I like watching dumb pretty people in shows with lots of drama. This is why "America's Next Top Model" and "Beauty and the Geek" are such awesome shows. "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader" (AYSTA5G?) lacks the pretty factor and the drama. When you just see normal people being dumb, there's no schadenfreude, just amazement at how these people are able to make it through life.

But then, I was trying to explain to people how dumb this show was. I used the example of a question that one of the contestants got wrong: "How many teaspoons are there in five tablespoons?" The responses ranged from, "Well, how many teaspoons are there in a tablespoon?" (my boss) To, "Five times two is ten. So the answer is ten, right?" (my mom). For the record, there are 3 teaspoons in a tablespoon. I learned this fact in school (somewhere around 4th or 5th grade, actually) and I distinctly remember feeling dumb at the time for not having known it before. It just seemed like such a common knowledge thing. How are you ever going to be able to cook or bake without knowing how many teaspoons there are in a tablespoon? Apparently, it's not such common knowledge after all.

helicopter parents

Okay, so I read parenting blogs. I'm not really sure why, since I am not a parent, but they are often talking about kids not too much younger than I am, and it's sort of fun to hear what they have to say. Anyway, one of them linked to this helpful little article on the college board website: Are You a Helicopter Parent? This article has the most delightfully self-selecting audience. Pretty much by definition if you go to the college board website and spend more time on it than it takes to find out the date of the next SAT, you are a helicopter parent. But, if you've spent enough time on the site not only to find the date of the next SATs, but also print out sample practice essays for your kid, write up a list of all the APs they offer so you can lobby your high school to start offering them, and decide which SAT IIs your kid should take this June, and you've *still* stuck around to read the dumb little articles? Then you will somehow decide you're not a helicopter parent. Because a helicopter parent wouldn't be self aware enough to even consider the possibility that she were one.

two things

I was reading over my past blog entries, and I've discovered that many of my entries revolve around two themes: genitalia and grammar. in an effort to continue these themes, I offer the following:

1. This Article. It's about lice. Specifically, about how humans host 3 different species of lice, while most species host just one. There are head lice (similar to the lice that live on chimps), body lice (they live on clothing and are apparently related to head lice), and pubic lice (similar to the lice that live on gorillas). Apparently the existence of these 3 different species provides clues to the evolution of the human species. Scientists can figure out when humans lost their body hair and when they started wearing clothes. This is really cool. But that's not why I'm posting this article. No, the reason I'm posting this article is that despite the scientists' reluctance to talk about it, there's one particularly good explanation for why human pubic lice are similar to lice found on gorillas. It is: Humans had sex with gorillas. a lot.

2. I'm just going to post this verbatim:
Losing the war on bad grammar: "Irregardless." Someone used that word in a meeting this morning. I calmly spoke up, explaining that by using the word in the same sense as "regardless," and considering that "irrational" is the opposite of "rational," they in fact stated the exact opposite of what you really meant. Even then you still have to make the leap and assume that "irregardless" is legitimately a word. Everyone in the room applauded, hoisted me on their shoulders and carried me out the door to celebrate. Never again will I hear that word in the office!

HA! That's how things went in my little fantasy world. My usual reward for resistance is a blank stare. So I just sat there, mute, shuddering with discomfort usually reserved for scratching fingernails on a blackboard.

It's just not worth the effort anymore.

Marc Fisher: Oh, no, you had me going there. I was ready to stand up and cheer for you. Don't let yourself be cowed by ignoramuses (ignoramusii?)--do as your grammar teacher would want you to do and stand tall for the right word.

There are two incredibly awesome things about this post. The first is that "irregardless" has absolutely nothing do do with DC politics, the purported subject of the chat where I read it. I'm kind of in love with people who manage to get their completely random thoughts inserted into washington post chats about completely unrelated subjects. Especially since I've lately aspired to become one of those people. The second incredibly awesome thing about this post is Marc Fisher's response. ignoramusii? yeah, that's a word all right. you are the grammar king.

balls!

amazing. apparently truckers like to hang large plastic testicles off the back of their trucks.

probably not work safe

I took it upon myself to visit the website of one fake testicles supplier, and I now present you with the following image:

aptly named: BallnChain.jpg

I am also quite fond of the "support your troops" balls:

so the week started out with scrota and ended with balls. that's awesome.

grammar

I know the fact that I actually care about this makes me an asshole, but:

Masculine: singular= alumnus & plural = alumni
Feminine: singluar = alumna & plural = alumnae

I actually don't care if you just use "alum" and "alums" because whatever, we're speaking English, not Latin, and the language changes over time.

That being said, I do care if you say "alumn" because if you're going to butcher the language, it should at the very least be in the service of making it more pronounceable.
I also care if you decide "alumna" is plural. Because that's dumb. I guess if the singluar was "alumnum" you'd be on to something, but it's not.